


Of Childhood and Death

by ADreamer67



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BAMF Hela (Marvel), BAMF Loki (Marvel), Canon Divergence - Thor (2011), Canon Divergence - Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Female Loki (Marvel), Gen, Hopeful Ending, Loki (Marvel) is Hela’s Son, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Non-Linear Narrative, Pre-Thor (2011)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 05:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21156029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADreamer67/pseuds/ADreamer67
Summary: Raven hair, emerald eyes. Sharp cheekbones, delicate builds.Two different times, two different Asgards. Two different lives, connected by blood.Hela didn’t want a child. Loki doesn’t want Hela much, either.





	Of Childhood and Death

**Author's Note:**

> Plot bunnies. So many plot bunnies. I could run a plot bunny farm, guys, raising little plot bunnies continually giving birth to new little plot bunnies until suddenly I am suffocating under a large pile of plot bunnies screaming incoherently for my attention.
> 
> Have a plot bunny.

_Everything falls apart so fast. It starts with her baby brother, the little golden prince. It starts with her father’s new bride, when it had only ever been him and her. It starts when she cuts down her first soldier in battle and she laughs. It starts when she holds a sword for the first time._

_Maybe it’s been falling apart for a while._

_But when her brother is named crown prince, at barely an hour old?_

_Well, that’s the last straw._

_The Bifrost activates, and the beloved Princess of Asgard flees. But oh, she’ll be back. Will she ever be back._

* * *

_She watches the court of Jotunheim for three years. She can be patient, though it has never been her strong point. Eventually, she decides on Laufey, the third child of four. She approaches him as herself, claiming to have been cast out of Asgard in favor of her brother. It’s not really a lie, is it? They chose him over her. That’s as good as hurling her off the Rainbow Bridge and letting the Void take her._

_He’s sympathetic. He tells her he knows how it feels, to be passed over constantly. Getting lost in the crowd._

_She pretends like she ever wanted for anything before that wretched brother of hers was birthed._

_Making him love her is laughably easy. Convincing him to slay his father and brothers, less so. (She doesn’t try to convince him to kill his younger sister, she knows he would never do that)._

_She feeds his hatred, his jealousy, his inferiority, winds him up, and lets him go. Makes him think it’s all his idea. As if._

_Once he is King, she doesn’t even have to try to convince him to declare war on Midgard. He is heady with power, eager to prove his worth to the people that are now his. She is starving for blood._

_If his sister’s sudden sickness and subsequent passing is suspicious, no one says a thing. The grief spurs his anger even more._

_Partway through the war, he has doubts. ‘The mortals cannot fight back,’ he tells her. ‘Perhaps we can colonize the poles?’ She distracts him. He forgets his misgivings._

_And then she feels it. As someone who knows death so intimately, there is not a doubt in her mind at the spark of life now growing within her. She hates it instantly. Would cut it out of her in a heartbeat. _ _But it binds Laufey to her stronger than ever. She fakes joy, and the whole of Jotunhiem celebrates, for an heir will be born. The war drags on, but now Laufey will not let her fight. _ _Without her, the tides are turned. Asgard pushes back. She pleads. Laufey refuses. She is tempted to slay him right there but then where would her army be, so she stays her hand._

_Once, she planned to end the child the moment the birthing was over, tell Laufey it was stillborn. But after months of suffering, of being unwieldy and ill and graceless and humiliated, that no longer seems adequate. It’s not slow enough for the daughter that caused her so much pain._

_She leaves her newborn in the great temple. It is sacred, so no Jotun will enter. None will know. She goes to fight her father. He is waiting._

* * *

She is beloved of all, in Asgard. Their innocent, perfect Princess. Her mischief and kind heart earn her the title of the goddess of childhood on Midgard. Her beauty is lauded far and wide, her tender heart as famous as her mother’s. Many whisper it is fitting that the one named goddess of motherhood should birth the guardian of children. To her brother, she is as beloved as the sun and as precious as all of Asgard’s gold. To her father, she is his delicate, lovely flower. He does not let her learn how to fight. Her brother teaches her anyway. She is particularly skilled with a blade.

She entertains the children at feasts with her talents for storytelling and enchanting illusions, and politely turns down marriage proposals by the dozen. Her laugh makes the sun shine brighter, many claim. She is Asgard’s diplomat, the charming face of the House of Odin, as her brother is the defender, her father the head, and her mother the heart. Her wit is quick and her heart is gold (and her temper, though rarely seen, rivals that of her famously volatile elder brother).

Yes, the Crown Prince is Asgard’s ideal citizen, with his bulging muscles and adventurous ways. But the Princess is the ideal they fight to protect. It is not uncommon to hear men cry “for the Princess!” as they rush into battle. On occasion, even in a simple bar brawl.

She is carefree, she is innocence and laughter and idealism and imagination and everything that gives the world wonder when one is a child. Yet, she understands more than many think she does. She is brilliant in a way that few understand, a sorceress to rival all the most famous in the history of Yggdrasil, a master at flattery and bribery and charm. Diplomats and ambassadors are as clay in her hands, but none ever realize it is the Princess who arranges such favorable deals for Asgard. Sometimes, she resents them. They love her, but they have never seen her. She loves her people anyway.

In the night, she practices with a blade. A bow. A staff. An axe. A blade hides tucked under the sash of her dress. Another masquerades as a hairpin. The heels of her shoes double as the hilts of hidden blades. Innocence will fight to protect what she holds dear. She learns to hunt (and weeps when she does), to strike a fire without a spark of seidr, and to coax it into a blaze. She learns to follow the trails of the forest and the paths of the stars. She learns the languages of a thousand worlds, spells that have lain untouched for thousands of years. She learns, and learns, and _learns_ as if knowledge is the oxygen she breathes. She finds hidden paths, and later forges her own. Her learning extends beyond the borders of Asgard, beyond the Nine. Elsewhere, they see her.

Should she wish it, the universe would be in her grasp. She has never wanted to be Queen. She pokes and prods her brother, carefully trying to mold him into the shape of a King. She is bitter, and frustrated, and suffocating, but her heart never shrinks and her innocence never fades. When she is hurting, she goes to the children of Asgard, and reminds herself who she does this for. Who says that delicate must mean fragile?

She had never had to fight. Never been in true danger. But she is ready. She will always be ready. She lives and loves and lies in wait for the day that she will draw her blades. At the great feasts, she smiles.

* * *

Death and Childhood stand on opposite sides of a war. "Mother," says Childhood.

"Daughter," says Death.

They draw their blades, and they fight. One for vengeance, the other for hope.

* * *

_"Mother," Loki said, blinking up at Frigga, tilting her head to the side and causing her ebony curls to bounce, "do I have to grow up?"_

_"Someday, little one, you will. And it will be hard." She knelt then, looking her precious daughter in the eyes, heart aching for her baby and for the confrontation only she and Odin knew was coming straight for their beloved little girl. "But you will be magnificent, my darling. Of that, I have no doubt. As long as you keep that golden heart of yours and never let it grow bitter, I have every confidence that you will be fine."_

* * *

They watch Asgard burst into flame.

"Where to next?" the Crown Princess asks her King.

**Author's Note:**

> I was so tempted to not add the last two bits and leave everyone wondering who won but.... I was nice. I think??
> 
> This is... so many headcanons smashed together and basically a guilty excuse to bring out into the world a) my idea of Hela’s backstory and b) what I think it would be like if Loki had an easier life and stayed more innocent but also several more mini headcanons contributed, as well as little things from the movies such as Laufey’s clear regret when he speaks about war and the fact that it appears, at least to me, as though he is the only royal on Jotunheim left, or at least anyone of important standing.


End file.
